Content of Our Character

Reaching Out

2009-01-28T12:52:00.003-05:00

Recently, I've had the opportunity to right a few wrongs on the relationship front of my life. Some of the breaks in contact have been from misunderstanding, some from argument, some from attrition, but all of them had resulted in me losing touch with people that I had grown close to over the years.

Deion Sanders once said, "Some friends are for a reason, some for a season, and some forever." Not every relationship we have will be personal and involved. I firmly believe that we have very few friends in life, and a whole lot of acquaintances. That's why it is so important to take care of the few friendships we have. Nurture them, and let them grow.

In today's age, we have so many ways to keep up with each other. But all of them are useless unless we actually take the time to use them. The basis of my beliefs is that we all make choices. The choice to use our time to maintain relationship is one more right choice we can make to make our lives richer and help someone else in the process.

The occasional phone call or email, a card or letter, showing up with a case of beer and all the time in the world, whatever you and your friends share, make sure you share them often. Time is too short, life is too fragile, and events too fluid to not take advantage of the opportunities we have been given. Don't let apathy or being too busy take away the blessings of friendship.

If there's an issue between the two of you, be an adult and call the other person. Try to work it out. Granted, a little time has to pass sometimes (President Truman once said "Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day."), but don't use that as an excuse to stay away from that person forever. It is surprising how many friendships can be mended if one of the parties would step up and take that initial hit on their pride. The benefits far outweigh the price you pay.

And, if the other person doesn't want to reconcile, then you have learned something about their character, too. At the very least, you gave it your best effort to make things right. Times of trouble often reveals who our friends really are. Adversity often introduces a person to themselves and to the people around them.

And the greatest gift you can give a friend sometimes is simply and sincerely saying "I'm sorry".

Who do you need to reach out to today?

Michael

What Right Looks Like

2009-01-25T08:16:00.005-05:00

As I was growing up, my Dad would occasionally tell me "Son, you're making this harder than it needs to be." No doubt in life, most of us have experienced a time when we made more out of something than it really was.

The same goes for our character. What do I do? When do I do it? How can I help? Who will it offend? Questions like these have helped to fill the content of many a self-help book (some of which reside on my bookshelf and various tables throughout my house...just ask the Missus).

In 2005, after years of regretting not joining the military (Dad was a Marine), I decided to join our State Guard, The Virginia Defense Force (check us out at this link). It was an opportunity for me to learn the military character that I missed in my life, and an opportunity to serve. One other thing it did was put me in contact with some of the finest people I've ever known. Men and women of character that didn't mind showing us "nonprior service" guys how to do things the right way.

One of the concepts I want to share here in this particular post relates to simplifying our concept of what right things we should do. It's a concept that our Battalion Commander, Command Sergeant Major, and others have driven home to me both in words and deeds. That concept is doing what is right, and knowing what right looks like.

We can complicate our character by analyzing scenarios and trying to take every little detail into account. But it all basically boils down to the fact that we know what right looks like. So do that, and let the chips fall where they may.

There is no bullet-point list for what's right in every situation. Life is fluid, no doubt about it. For me, I have a certain set of principles that I lean on, and then I try to apply them to each situation I encounter where there is a choice between what's right and what's wrong. If we're looking for (or trying to create) a laundry list of right things to do in life, it will never be complete and it will drive you crazy trying to remember every little detail and scenario you've played out in your mind. Instead, "right" begins with an attitude from within, and then presents itself through our actions as we encounter life situations daily.

How do you learn what right looks like? By approaching things from an attitude of love (love is not some enabling emotion, but a genuine care for the well-being of someone else), by doing one's duty, and putting forth your best effort. By never letting your teammates down, and by being willing to both stand up for your principles and at the same time keep the genuine needs of those around you in the forefront of your mind.

There are examples of "what right looks like" all around us. It is up to us to pay attention to those examples, let them affect our mindset in a positive way, and then pay it forward by doing the same for the next person.

To paraphrase from the Army Leadership Manual, we should all strive to Be, Know, and Do what's right.

Michael

The Constancy of Our Character

2009-01-22T07:29:00.004-05:00

Psalms 106:3 - Blessed are they who maintain justice, who constantly do what is right.

Our power of choice is our greatest power, but our constant application of right choices is what makes the difference.

Anyone can muster the strength to do the right thing once in a while. It is when we have love and respect for others and ourselves that we begin to be more constant in our right choices. When we establish our core values, and keep those core values in the front of our mind daily, we set up a framework of character from which we can work. Even then, it is still up to us to "practice what we preach".

I love sports, and I equate a lot of things to sports because that is the visual imagery that sticks with me the most. So, in terms of constancy of character, think of it this way: the home runs in baseball are cool (remember the ad from years ago "Chicks dig the long ball"?), but it's the singles, doubles, and stolen bases that get the job done more often than not. In football, the long pass is sexy (who doesn't want to see a 60 yard completion for a touchdown?). But the long pass doesn't work that often. Instead, the runs of 2, 3, and 4 yards over and over again get the ball down the field consistently.

It is the same with our character. Doing one big thing for somebody is great and shouldn't be overlooked. But the real difference makers occur in the little "right" things we do each and every day. As we do them consistently (and constantly), we will begin to see a positive difference in ourselves and in the people around us.

Drip by drip, the water wears the rock away.

Michael

The Greatest Power We Have

2009-01-20T10:09:00.006-05:00

Today is Inauguration Day. A day, whether we like it or not, of historic change in our country. But the question looms, is this very day in particular really a day of change for us as individuals? Should it be any different than any other day?

The decisions we make today should not be affected by who is in the White House. Nor should they be affected by the leading economic indicators, the gross national product, or the stock market. I'm not speaking about your portfolio, or your 401(k), or your financial plan. I'm talking about the important decisions of our character: what we stand for, who we love, how we go about our lives, and why we are here.

The Bible says "Choose this day whom you will serve." Our choices are made daily. My choice to do either right or wrong is still before me today just as it was yesterday, and as it will be tomorrow. God gives us the power to freely choose our course of action every day for that day. And that is our greatest power...the power of choice.

The power, and responsibility, of choice creates who I am, and guides me in what I do and how I do it. I am just as responsible for my choices today as I was yesterday. I can make a difference today just as I could have yesterday and can tomorrow. The key is: do I choose to do the right thing?

And that is what life comes down to. Do I choose the right path? Am I putting myself in situations that will help me and others around me? Do I do the right thing? These are questions that only we can answer for ourselves, and we shouldn't want it any other way. The worst thing we can ever do to ourselves is to give over our power of choice to other people or to our circumstances. And remember, giving up your power of choice is a choice in and of itself.

Back when President Clinton was in office, there was a bumper sticker that read "Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Dole". When President Bush was in office, it was "Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Gore" (or later on, "Kerry"). If you follow patterns, you know there will be a "I Voted For McCain" sticker coming out very soon. Can you see the pattern of blaming someone else for the predicament you're in? Isn't that a failsafe we use to justify our actions? "Don't blame me, blame others who make me do what I do". When it's written out in black and white, doesn't it seem weak just reading those words? Aren't we better than that? Of course we are.

And so, when the rubber meets the road, this day is no different than any other day. Our power of choice still resides in each of us as strong as ever, just waiting to be brought to the surface. Today, and tomorrow, and forever, choose to make a positive difference, to do the best you can with what you have, to encourage and help each other, to do the right thing, and most importantly, to love each other.

The choice, as it is, always has been, and always will be, is yours.

Michael

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

2009-01-18T11:02:00.000-05:00

January 19th, the third Monday in January, is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. This particular year, I feel moved to comment on this important day in history.

You see, when the holiday was established in 1986, it was treated in my area of the world as a joke. Growing up, I was taught that Dr. King was an instigator and a troublemaker. Why would we celebrate a day for a man that sought to further divide the whites and the blacks to further himself? Even now with some people in my area, the day is seen as merely a day off for the government offices and the banks. Sadly, there is a joke that says we should shoot four more of "them" so we can have the whole week off.

Of course, this day has an importance that far outstrips the superficial reasoning l just listed. This year, I have actually made an effort to learn more about Dr. King. One of the best ways to get to know a person is by reading what they write. Several of Dr. King's sermons and speeches are available at http://www.mlkonline.net/speeches.html. I haven't read all of them, but what I have read sounds a lot like what I have heard on Sundays growing up. Loving your enemies, doing the right thing, finding and keeping your spiritual path...all of these are key components of Christianity (and overall human decency for that matter). Who can disagree with that?

I think the problem is that Dr. King's dream has been skewed by some over the past 40 years. The dream of equality has been morphed into the expectation of entitlement. Certainly, we should all be entitled to social and economic freedom, but one person's entitlement should never be to the detriment of another's basic rights either. Life is not a "get-even" match, nor should rights be treated as a pendulemic swing of power. Oppressing any side for any period of time is wrong, and using the reasoning of "it's their turn for a while" doesn't meet the standard that Dr. King set on August 28, 1963. Social equality is determined second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, and cannot be judged as an average of two extremes. In the words of Dr. King (from the "I Have a Dream" speech), "In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred."

The flip side of this is resisting social and economic change because of a perceived threat of "get even". True change, with love, integrity, and betterment of all people, is sometimes met with cynicism, malaise, and outright disdain simply because it is perceived as simply "another thing that's being shoved down our throats".

Now, was Dr. King a troublemaker? Yes. But he had to be. Trouble, in this case, was challenging the wrong that had been accepted as right for (at that time) almost two hundred years here in America. Dr. King saw that one could not change something for the right if one appeared to agree with the wrong. Was he an instigator? Absolutely, and he had to be. He instigated righteous action by instilling pride in a people that had been told (by word and by deed) that they did not measure up to standard. At the time, the burning issue was clearly race, and that is what Dr. King addressed. Now we see that equality relates not only to blacks and whites, but also to the poor, the rich, and middle class. And not just those classes, but also to all classes, races, religions, cultures, and genders.

The change that Dr. King spoke about was not from the outside-in, but from the inside-out. Of course, the system in place needed to change, but the change began with all peoples recognizing that they were created equal (something the writers of the Declaration of Independence themselves had seen when they wrote that world-changing document). Still, the dream is not complete. The first barrier of individual change is still in place for some, and will continue to be in until our hearts and minds are changed to seek equality for all out of love for all. That barrier can only be broken down one person at a time, and must be done so willingly and mindfully by each and every person.

And so, for the first time in my life, I will look at MLK Day with a certain reverence. Not just because he was a black man that sought equality for black people, but because he was a human being who sought equality for all.

Happy MLK Day,

Michael

Initial Blog

2009-01-18T10:47:00.000-05:00

This excursion is something I've thought about for a long time. I've just never really known which direction I wanted to go with this. Oftentimes, I write simply to get things off of my chest, and a lot of that material was directed inward to me. I wondered, though, if others out there had similar internal conversations about themselves and their place in society.

The other reason for this blog is that I have found our greatest tools are our character and our power to choose. The problem is that most people do not realize that they have these tools at their disposal. How much change could we make, how many rights could we wrong, how powerful could we be if we simply embraced the philosophy of choice? Every thing we do, everything we are, relates to choices we make (or have made) in our lives. Granted, some of those choices may have been under duress, and some may not have been the right ones, but then other choices have preceded (or succeded) that moment to allow us to do our best from where we are at this very moment.

For now, let's give this a shot for a little while. Let's remember how much power we have inside of us, and use it for the best of our neighbors and ourselves.

Thanks for reading,

Michael